While reading Julia Woods Relational Communication, I identified with many of the topics discussed, perhaps none more so than the section devoted to Attachment Theory. The Theory provided me with many new insights regarding my self-perception and my relationships with others. Throughout the reading, I find the Theory accurately describing my childhood and my emotions.
According to Wood (2000), Attachment Theory claims that our earliest experiences decisively influence how we view ourselves, others, and relationships. Wood continues by citing studies by Ainsworth, Blehar, Waters, and Wall (1978) that found that the initial bonding between a child and its primary caregiver, usually the mother, is the first and an especially formative influence on individuals views of relationships. As a child, my stay at home mom primarily raised me. In parenting, my mother definitely displayed characteristics of the secure Attachment Model as she consistently responded to me in a lovi ng, reassuring, and supportive way.
My early childhood is consistent with Woods analysis of influences on the likelihood that the primary caregiver will exhibit loving, nurturing, and attentive behavior. My family is upper middle class as my father as an attorney was able to financially provide for us without my mother working. However, this situation also provided a down side, as my father was constantly busy with work and other social commitments. With my father, I was not able to form the same bond present with my mother. Early memories with my father are reflections of polar opposites as I remember receiving either high praise for a job well done (usually involving school work) or criticism for failing somehow (usually involving undesirable behavior). The lack of interaction and the sharp contrast present in the limited time we spent together led to the formation of an anxious-resistant Attachment Model.
Using the Attachment Theory and its Models of secure At tachment and anxious-resistant Attachment as guides I can look back on my previous experiences and see an inner battle between the Models. While growing up, I would have periods that typified behavior predicted by the secure Attachment Model as I exhibited a confident, positive, secure view of myself and those around me and was open to new experiences and people. However, I also entered periods involving high self-criticism and an over-dependence on how others view me.
When looking back, I found that my periods of secure and anxious resistant Attachments would alternate depending on the amount of support I would feel from my mother. For example, when we moved to another town, I went through a period in which I was extremely self-critical and Modeled myself according to what my new friends perceived me to be. During this time, my mother was busy with our home construction and dealing with my new baby brother, which left less time for me. Conversely, when my mom took the position as my high school librarian I went through a period of extreme positive ness and confidence in others and myself as my mother and I now saw each other often throughout the school day. With the death of my mother a year and half ago, I found myself struggling with my self-perception and my relationships with others. I no longer have a primary positive relationship in my life to seek support from, as my father and I still are emotionally distant. Like Glenns reflection in Wood (2000), I have again been developing a more confident, positive view of others and myself thanks to a few very special people that refuse to let me be negative.
I found Attachment Theory and its Models to be very enlightening. This Theory is one of the first interpersonal theories in which I see myself illustrating. Understanding Attachment Theory has helped me to better understand myself and my actions towards others. With my new knowledge, I now can continue to work to find friends who work to combat my anxious-resistant side.
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Author:: Paul Kennard
Keywords:: Understanding, Attachment, Theory, Model, Essay, Research, Paper, Article,
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