The Ben Franklin fan club will come to order, with apologies for having delayed the 293rd anniversary celebration of his birth January 17.
We gather not to honor his achievements as patriot, statesman, philosopher and scientist -- but to relish his irreverent contributions as a Columnist. His approach to life was often unconventional, some times scandalous, but always provocative.
Bens distinguished career began as a 14-year-old printers apprentice to his brother James, indentured by their father until the younger brother would be 21. He likely would have continued all his life as a poor, hard-working printer if it had not been for the first newspaper war in America.
The first newspaper in the colonies was the Boston News Letter. It was started by Postmaster John Campbell because h e read the mail, learned the news, had it printed and distributed his papers through the postal system.
A new postmaster in 1718 started his own paper called the Boston Gazette and gave the printing of it to James Franklin. Within a year, there was another postmaster who took the printing away from James.
In anger, James started a third newspaper -- The Courant -- though there was not enough business for one.
Ben was impressed by the intelligence and wit of the men of letters who submitted articles for the paper. He wished to try his hand at writing but felt his brother would not print anything from his teenage brother.
Ever resourceful, Ben began writing a series of political commentaries using the pen name Mrs. Silence DoGood, a widow. He slipped them under the door at night. James printed them because they were perceptive and well received by readers.
When Ben was 16, James was arrested for contempt of authorities and jailed for a month. Ben carried on the newspaper, flooding its pages with Silence DoGood articles. With free run of the columns, Mrs. DoGood began to sound less like a refined widow and more like a brash apprentice.
* * *
Ben fell completely out of character when relating an evening walk of Mrs. DoGood: I soon came up with a company of females who, by throwing their heads to the right and left at everyone who passed by, I concluded they came out with no other designs than to revive the spirit of love in disappointed bachelors, and expose themselves to sale by the first bidder.
On the whole, I conclude that our night-walkers contribute very much to the health and satisfaction of those who have been fatigued with business or study and occasionally observe their pretty gestures and impertinencies.
Shoemakers and other dealers in leather are doubly obliged to them -- inasmuch as they exceedingly promote consumption of their ware. I have heard of a shoemaker who, upon being ask ed by a noted rambler whether he could tell how long her shoes would last, very prettily answered that he knew how many days she might wear them but not how many nights -- because they were then put to a more violent and irregular service than when she employed herself in the common affairs of the house.
* * *
For such ribald columns, the commonwealth council forbade James to publish the Courant or any other paper of like nature. James overcame this obstacle by canceling Bens indenture and naming him the publisher.
The Courant prospered under a less political policy, increased its circulation and raised its price. However, Ben, now 17, became vain and opinionated -- lovable traits typical of Columnists.
The two brothers took to quarreling, and James cuffed his younger brother around. Ben fled to New York, which then was just a village with one printer. Unable to find work there, he went on to Philadelphia.
Ben found immediate employment. He roomed at the home of John Read and courted his daughter Deborah.
Bens industry, love of books and engaging personality brought him to the attention of Governor William Keith who encouraged him to go to London to get a printing press and type.
Ben hustled off to England but with intention of earning enough money in the printing shops to set up a business there. He wrote Deborah that he was not coming back to her. Whereupon she married a potter.
High living in London -- including goodly sums to women of easy virtue and imprudent loans to a friend -- kept Ben from advancing his project.
After two years, he had accumulated barely enough money for passage back to the colonies. Nonetheless, he resolved to return and try his fortune again in Philadelphia. His London experience humbled B en and led him to adopt a deferential attitude -- other lovable traits typical of Columnists. Borrowing the equivalent of $5,000, he set up a printing shop.
Deborahs husband had deserted her soon after their marriage and fled to the Bahamas to avoid debtors prison. Mutual friends brought Ben and Deborah back together.
The old love was rekindled, but two complications kept them from marriage. Deborahs husband might come back; and Ben was presented with an illegitimate son, the mother of whom he never revealed.
Quietly, Ben and Deborah set up a household without marriage -- complete with Bens little son. The arrangement was accepted calmly by the couples family and friends. Very soon Deborah bore a daughter, Sarah.
In his printing shop, Franklin started a newspaper, The Gazette; published his Poor Richards Almanac; and managed a large volume of printing for the colony.
* * *
As Poor Richard, Ben coined hundreds of epigrams:
* He that lieth down with dogs shall rise up with fleas.
* A lie stands on one leg, truth on two.
* Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.
* Lost time is never found again.
* God helps them that help themselves.
* Early to bed, and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.
* If youd know the value of money, go borrow some.
* Clean your finger before you point at my spots. * * *
He wrote provocative songs -- such as the ode to beer busts -- and sang them to friends:
The antediluvians were all very sober,
For they had no wine, and they brewed no October;
All wicked, bad livers, on mischief still thinking,
For there cant be good living where theres not good drinking.
Derry down.
Twas ho nest old Noah first planted the vine,
And mended his morals by drinking its wine;
And thenceforth, justly, the drinking of water decried;
For he knew that all mankind, by drinking it, died.
Derry down. * * *
In one of his columns, Ben wrote a spoof about the Speech of Polly Baker. This lady pleaded so ably for mercy upon her fifth trial for bastardy the presiding judge married her the next day -- by whom she had fifteen children:
May it please the honorable bench to indulge me in a few words. I am a poor, unhappy woman who have not money to fee lawyers to plead for me, being hard put to it to get a living.
I take the liberty to say that I think this law, by which I am punished, is both unreasonable in itself, and particularly severe with regard to me who have always lived an inoffensive life in the neighborhood where I was born. I can not conceive -- may it please your honors -- what the nature of my offense is. I have brought five , fine children into the world at the risk of my life. I have maintained them well by my own industry, without burdening the township. I would have done it better if it had not been for the heavy charges and fines I have paid.
Can it be a crime -- in the nature of things, I mean -- to add to the kings subjects, in a new country that really wants people?
You are pleased to allow I dont want for sense; but I must be stupefied to the last degree not to prefer the honorable state of wedlock to the condition I have to live in. I defy anyone to say I ever refused an offer.
On the contrary, I readily consented to the only proposal of marriage that ever was made to me, which was when I was a virgin. But too easily confiding in the persons sincerity that made it, I unhappily lost my honor by trusting to his -- for he got me with child and then forsook me.
That very person, you all know, is now become a magistrate of this country. I had hopes he would appear th is day on the bench and endeavor to moderate the court in my favor.
You have already excluded me from the comforts of your church communion. Is not that sufficient? How can it be believed that heaven is angry at my having children? With the little done by me, God has been pleased to add his divine skill and admirable workmanship in the formation of their bodies. And He crowned the whole by furnishing them with rational and immortal souls.
What must poor young women do, when customs and nature forbid them to solicit the men; and who cannot force themselves upon husbands. Yet, the laws take no care to provide them any, and severely punish them if they do their duty without them.
The duty of the first and great command of nature and God is increase and multiply -- a duty from the steady performance of which nothing has been able to deter me. * * *
The most famous of Bens earthy essays is his advice to a nephew on the choice of a Mistress:
My De ar Friend.
I know of no medicine fit to diminish the violent, natural inclinations you mention. And, if I did, I think I should not communicate it to you. Marriage is the proper remedy.
But, if you will not take this counsel, and persist in thinking a commerce with sex inevitable, then I repeat my former advice -- that in all your amours you should prefer old women to young ones. You will call this a paradox and demand my reasons. They are these:
1. Because they have more knowledge of the world. Their minds are better stored with observations, their conversation is more improving and more lastingly agreeable.
2. Because when women cease to be handsome they study to be good. To maintain their influence over men, they supply the diminution of beauty by an augmentation of utility. They learn to do a thousand services small and great, and are the most tender and useful of friends when you are sick. Thus, they continue amiable. There is hardly such a thin g to be found as an old woman who is not a good woman.
3. Because there is no hazard of children, which irregularly produced may be attended with much inconvenience.
4. Because through experience they are more prudent and discrete in conducting an intrigue to prevent suspicion. Commerce with them is therefore safer with regard to your reputation. And with regard to theirs, if the affair should happen to be known, considerate people might be rather inclined to excuse an old woman who would kindly take care of a young man, form his manners by her good counsels, and prevent his ruining his health and fortune among mercenary prostitutes.
5. Because in every animal that walks upright, the deficiency of the fluids that fill the muscles appears first in the highest part. The face first grows lank and wrinkled; then the neck; then the breast and arms. The lower parts continue to the last as plump as ever; so that covering all above with a basket, and regarding only what is below the girdle, it is impossible, of two women, to tell an old one from a young one. As in the dark all cats are gray, the pleasure of corporal enjoyment with an old woman is at least equal, and frequently superior -- every knack being, by practice, capable of improvement.
6. Because the sin is less. The debauching of a virgin may be her ruin, and make her unhappy for life.
7. Because the compunction is less. The having made a young girl miserable may give you frequent, bitter reflection; none of which can attend the making an old woman happy.
8. 8th, and lastly -- Because they are so grateful! * * *
Now, let s hear it for Columnists, past and present.
Derry down!
Lindsey Williams is a Sun Columnist who can be contacted at:
LinWms@earthlink.net
LinWms@lindseywilliams.org
Website: http://www.lindseywilliams.org
Author:: Lindsey Williams
Keywords:: Franklin, Journalism, Americana, History, America, Quotations, Mistress, Columnist
Post by History of the Computer | Computer safety tips
No comments:
Post a Comment